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If I ever got desperate, I guess I might publish something like this (in the newspaper):

SWM looking for a woman with an encyclopedic knowledge of homestarrunner. Must love jokes nearly as much as ice cream and building forts. An open mind regarding music is preferable and a deep admiration of David Bowie’s “Heroes” is absolutely necessary. Must also be amiable and an excellent conversationalist–at least with me. Must also be averse to tiger-, leopard- and zebra-themed undergarments because she knows her boobies are not untamed African beasts.

Kinex lovers need not apply.

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