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Would anyone else be completely unsurprised if Ann Coulter got murdered?

I’m not condoning, endorsing or encouraging it, I just think she says so many incredibly offensive things to so many people that I think someone someday is just going to snap and by a sawed-off or something. I mean, sure she makes fun of liberals, jews, academics, and homosexuals–all of whom tend to be very peace-loving and whatnot–but there just has to be someone in that group who will get caught in an elevator with her and go ape-shit crazy, maybe try to papercut her to death. That’s ape-shit crazy if I ever heard of ape-shit crazy.

I guess it seems a little more reasonable for her to just die alone and hated. For all the hatred she spews, it only makes sense for her to die alone, right? Would it be fair to say she hates people more than Hitler hated Jews? I feel like even that’s inappropriate (and clearly incomparable–“Say Ann, on a scale of one to ten…”).

But, correct me if I’m wrong, she gets paid to hate people, right? I read she used to be a lawyer and that she went to Cornell, so it kind of shocks me that she hates academics. I don’t know, I just can’t figure the woman out–she says she’s a Christian, a non-denomenational one, but she hates people who don’t vote the same way she does. Maybe when you don’t have a denomenation you can make up your own rules?

Just consider this: the last book I checked out of the library is the Koran. I will have read the Koran before I have read the Bible and I already know at least one of the basic things that Coulter seems to have missed. But that’s enough about me.

Maybe she’s like one of those people who pisses everyone off just to make sure the First Amendment can be used properly. Maybe on her death bed she’ll be all like, “Hey, guess what. Remember when you guys all hated me for my whole life? Well, I married a black man back in 2000, aborted our first child, raised two lesbians and voted Barack Obama president. Thank God I talked some shit about him otherwise you wouldn’t have had a rallying point or proper usage of the First Amendment. You’re welcome, see you in Heaven.” That would be epic–she fooled everyone since the day she went to college. Best. Prank. Ever.

Someone should tell her to get on that because I think I would much rather be right about her being a jokester than a murder victim.

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