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Daytime television.

We don’t have cable, but we do have rabbit ears. I’m glad that there’s good stuff on during primetime on all the low channels, but the stuff they have on during the day could not be any more terrible. It’s all talk shows, soap operas and fake courts. I swear, they find the dumbest people to go on the courts (I broke up wit her because she was smokin crack wit our kids all the times!! Don’t even play!!!), hottest people who cannot act for the soaps and some of the weirdest ideas for the talk shows. I also hate how they cut away from conversations when they’re not done in soaps. It’s like they’re trying to complicate the conversation in the hopes of finally getting that Emmy for screenwriting they’ve been searching for for the last 20 years. Adding a cut scene and another conversation does not make your original conversation more complicated. But then again, how else are you going to complicate a conversation about who you have a crush on? Excuse me, who you’re in love with?

Actually, I do love how on Spanish TV, an extreme close-up of the offender’s face is supposed to imply drama. QUE?!?!?!?!?!????!!!!??? LAS PELICULAS?????!!11???!??!?! You can hear the director in the background, translated of course, “Okay, now raise your left eyebrow…and Freeze! Hold it…now cut to commercial.”

That’s also something that I find strange; half of the channels are in Spanish. It’s so disheartening to have only Spanish and English–I wish there was an Italian language channel. It’d probably have the most amazing cooking and tourism shows. In addition to brushing up on my Italian, I could brush up on crazy Italian politics and women. A Japanese channel would be cool too if it wasn’t going to be all anime, weird game shows and horror movies. Maybe in that case, I could just get a couple pieces of black construction paper and just listen.

There’s this one show that’s on Spanish Channel TV that isn’t a telenovela. I’ve basically started watching it because they have random dance breaks. It’s like three hot chicks, some dude, and this old lady who has implants larger than her head. It’s just a hilarious way to waste half an hour. Since we also don’t get any channels that have music videos, their short guest performances have been keeping me alive. I will literally never listen to any of the songs they’re singing again, but it’s nice to see that people are still performing music these days.

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