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I went to F.A.O. Schwartz today and on a scale of 1 to Total Letdown I think it was probably around a 7, possibly an 8. The LEGO section had three products (but they sure had them in abundance!), all of which were above $100. Good work, recession; you ruined my inaugural visit to my own personal mecca.

But the travesties didn’t stop there–the Harry Potter section was hopelessly and unredeemably terrible. They had every tie except the Gryffindor tie (luckily, I already own it) and all the wands your little heart could desire. You think I’m going to drop like $150 for a wand? Well, maybe when I’m severely incapacitated or at least roofied, but not while I’m walking my underage sister around the city.

Even the big piano was a little too built up. I think that thing’s only fun if Tom Hanks and Robert Loggia are waltzing on it with the off-chance hope that the boy stuck inside Tom will turn into a man. I just don’t think he will. All tangents aside, two of the workers danced two songs. Neither of them won an Oscar for their performance either, so it was time to move on.

Really the only thing that was different from any other toy store was that they had mass amounts of every single toy and the store was ridiculously organized. It wasn’t particularly amazing, just flooded with way too much of the same couple toys. I will admit though, if you’re looking for absurdly oversized stuffed animals (which won’t fit in your apartment–this is mufuggin’ NYC. Who’re you kidding? That animal is the size of your apartment) then this is your store! If you reduced the quantity and got rid of the oversized dogs and sheep, this would be a Toys-R-Us.

So no longer being a kid kinda sucks. Until the day I get to be a child again…GIMME RECESS BACK, F.A.O. SCHWARTZ. AND GET MORE LEGOs. NO ONE LIKES PLAYMOBIL.

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One Comment

  1. Toy Joy in Austin ownz teh FAOs.


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