Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: February 2010

So most of these happened because I rode the subway out to Brooklyn for a Mensa meeting that didn’t seem to exist. There was no one there, the bartenders didn’t know about the meeting and the provided phone number was for a dude who didn’t know what Mensa was. Out of that turmoil, you get hearty recommendations for some absolutely delicious beers. My pain lead to our communal gain. Check them joints, my dude.

I had a Goose Island Bourbon County Stout and about two sips in, I thought, Whoa, this stuff is dangerous. I was texting my dad at the time because I’d asked his help to figure out what to do–we eventually agreed that drinking by myself was better than riding the subway for an hour and a half. Luckily for us, I got to drink this and text him: “Holy shit, if you can find a place that serves Goose Island Bourbon County Stout, I strongly recommend you go.” His reply: “That’s what I wanted to hear.” The point is, this is a big, old, thick, strong man beer. The only thing that wasn’t manly about it was how they served it in a wine glass; if they’d put it in an old-fashioned glass, I don’t know if I would have a) left or b) remembered anything past 8PM.

Luckily, I do remember because I left Pacific Standard and went across the street to Cherry Tree where I ordered a Lagunitas Cappucino Stout. I’m not entirely sure I’ve met a coffee-flavored beer I haven’t liked–it tasted like a smoother but heavier Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale. And when I finished that I had to go home. By the time I got home, I was drunk enough to knock on my neighbors’ door and offer to bake for them. Sure, I didn’t bake for them for another two weeks and they loved my chocolate chocolate chip cookies, but all that drunk brought out the southern in me.

The next two, although unrelated, were just excellent.

Sam Adams makes a Noble Pils that was on tap at an Irish bar called the Blarney Stone a large contingent of my friends tend to flock to for karaoke night. So, although the songs weren’t always the best, the beer was consistently excellent. I’m tempted to say it’s better than Pilsner Urquell and mostly because it didn’t have that strange, almost skunky smell Pilsner Urquell does.

Perhaps most importantly, Brooklyn Brewery lets a magical beer ferment for four months. They’ve decided to call this behemoth of taste and excellence the Monster Ale. They say it’s brewed in the style of a barleywine, which for the layman seems to mean it’s delicious but surprisingly drunk. Don’t drink this with dinner before you have to go close down a retail store. I think I was drunk at work. Luckily the only large machinery I operated was a trash compactor and that was very late in the night. They sell these lovely beers in four packs that cost more than their six packs–that was my cue to think, It’s what? Well, I’ll try it once then obviously never buy it again because that’s a huge price hike. After drinking it I mostly think, Having a job that would allow me to afford this godly nectar would be ideal but is perhaps a bit dangerous for my health. Hopefully, with a career comes the ability to reign in my desire for heavenly delights. Well, there’ll always be women…

Advertisements

K___ E____ lives with Episode 1, K____ M_____. For the better part of a year and even after what I declared a masterful Thank-You note, K___ and I didn’t seem to talk much. No Facebook friendship, no “Oh, hey! It’s been a while! What’s up?” at get-togethers. Nothing. It took some reflection on my part to realize I’d definitely talked shit about her while she was in the room New Year’s Day 2009. So I sat down and crafted a masterful Apology note. Next thing you know, we’ve scheduled an interview at the Silver Moon Bakery, which, although it does have some excellent offerings like King Cake and lavender cookies, does not have seats. So, once again, we found a nearby Starbucks. Miss E_____ loves history, has excellent taste in books (at the time she was carrying around a copy of Stieg Larsson’s Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) and prepped by reading Episode 1. Her answers were generally surprisingly quick, but the more we talked, the more I came to realize that the quickness was not just the preparation but also the very good chance that she’s much smarter than I am as well as a better New Yorker.

Chris: Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?
K: Ernie. I loved Ernie so much when I was younger I wanted to name my younger brother after him.
Chris: You had the option to name…
K: My parents asked; they said, “What do you want to name him?” and I said, “Ernie.”
Chris: Wow, that is a lot of power.
K: Unfortunately, he was not named Ernie.
Chris: Well…did they go with Bert?
K: I wish.
[Both laugh]
Chris: So why just Ernie and not Bert and Ernie?
K: I have no idea. I think Ernie was just more all over the place. I identify with that. He’s kooky and lovable.
Chris: He’s definitely the cooler and crazier one while Bert is sort of conservative and uptight.
K: I wanted to name my brother Ernie, so every year for his birthday I tell him, “You could have been Ernie. Earnest E_____.”
Chris: [Laughs] What’d he turn out to be?
K: D__ E_____. D__ E_____ was born on Christmas Eve.
Chris: It’s…so much more alliterative.
K: I know! He’s very much into literature now, all this post-apocalyptic stuff at Holy Cross.
Chris: [Laughs, thinking about how he’s into literature and post-apocalyptic stuff but not at Holy Cross] The strangest thing…Alright, um, what is your favorite movie?
K: [Pauses] I have many.
Chris: Top 3?
K: Probably my most favorite recent move is The Darjeeling Limited.
Chris: That was an excellent movie. Wes Anderson and [Mumbling] uh, assorted characters…[Confidence regained] I really loved the cinematography. Beautiful.
K: I also liked Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Chris: Right, Jim Carrey. Classic. Hilarious. Well…
K: No…
Chris: Romantic…
K: Yeah, I was going to say, “Hilarious?”
Chris: Okay, it’s not laugh-out-loud, uproarious, but it is a little…
K: It’s a little dark.
Chris: Some black humor.
K: Let’s see…I can’t watch chick flicks. I can’t watch scary movies. I just like the ones that make you think.
Chris: I can’t stand scary movies.
K: I will be up until three in the morning watching Disney movies.
Chris: I have to put a put a blanket up over my neck so the vampires won’t get me.
K: So no Twilight for you?
Chris: With Twilight, I just find it childish. It’s not Harry Potter, so it’s not cool. [Yes, I’m aware of the irony of this statement.]
K: Watch what you say to one of my roommates about that.
Chris: I tend to avoid discussing all things I dislike with girls since most of the things I don’t like are just Twilight and Lady Gaga.
K: I don’t think you can hate on Lady Gaga too much.
Chris: We don’t have to fight about it, it’s just…I don’t agree with everything she does.
K: Being in PR, though, I see it from a different perspective.
Chris: Right. She makes…
K: She gets her name in the press.
Chris: Exactly, she is a PR machine, she’s really doing a great job for herself, her music, her career, her albums, her visuals…she’s got it all encapsulated. She’s doing a great job, but I’m not going to go out and buy the album. But that’s just me. [That is, I don’t like her, but I don’t hate her—I get my fill of her every time I’m listening to someone else’s iPod]
K: [Possibly disgusted by Chris’ willful ignorance and “Not a Gaga Fan” bandwagon membership] If I had to pick another movie, it would be Roman Holiday.
Chris: Oh! I still haven’t seen that one. Cary Grant?
K: No, Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. It’s okay [that you haven’t seen it].
Chris: They’re riding around on a Vespa, right?
K: Yes, that’s one of the scenes. It’s a classy movie.
Chris: Classy broad for a classy movie.
[Both laugh]
K: When I see modern chick flicks, I’m just like, “Oh, God.”
Chris: Have you seen Definitely, Maybe?
K: I’ve seen parts of it. I’ve heard that would be one I could get behind.
Chris: I watched When in Rome and I found it to be…
K: [Scrunches face in disgust]
Chris: Yeah, that’s the face I had when I came out. I feel like a lot of chick flicks these days are overly gushy and romantic and just…cheesy.
K: I need something smart. Did you ever take the film class at Holy Cross? I can’t remember his name now…
Chris: I didn’t take it.
K: He just made me love films. I took it my last semester of Holy Cross. It gave me a new perspective about movies.
Chris: Have you seen All about Eve?
K: No.
Chris: Well, that’s my favorite movie. It’s basically just all dialogue and it’s all about movies and…Eve.
K: Wasn’t that a remake?
Chris: [Perplexed] No. Not that I know of. There was a remake? Uh, it’s from like…the thirties…black and white…uh…
K: I’ll have to look this up.
Chris: It’s very, very good. You like smart movies—it’s whip-crack smart. Almost even a little diabolical. Lemme see here…Do you have a favorite band?
K: I really like Kings of Leon.
Chris: Excellent choice.
K: I got turned on to them two Novembers ago and I haven’t stopped.
Chris: With the…was it their third album?
K: They’re on their fourth, I believe.
Chris: Right, they’re on their fourth, but which song was it…
K: Current favorite is “Fans.”
Chris: Third album, Because of the Times.
K: Yep, “Ragoo,” and “True Love Way.”
Chris: “Ragoo” has a little piece of my heart…like, forever.
K: Really? [Laughs] I also like, on their fourth album, “Manhattan.”
Chris: Yeah, that one grew on me. I was really there for the first four songs and then “Manhattan” would come on and I would be like, “Weeeeeelllll, alright. I’ll give you a listen.”
K: [Laughs] I do have to say, and I think my favorite part of the last album—and I can’t remember the name—on their last song…
Together: “Cold Desert.”
K: Yep, just how it cuts back and they do a kind of encore.
Chris: [Laughs]
K: [Smiling] I love it, I love those guys. I’m so happy they won Grammies.
Chris: Did you get to see them when they came to Madison Square Garden?
K: No, I really just started to get turned on to them before Madison Square Garden and I was going to buy tickets, but, at the end of July, I got laid off.
Chris: [Inhales sharply]
K: Had to kind of cut back on my funds. You know, maybe pay rent.
Chris: I hear that’s pretty important. I also hear it’s pretty expensive [from Episode 1].
K: Maybe eat.
Chris: I was going to go, but I was working. I did have a friend who went and he was saying that their actual encore was…you know…
K: “Cold Desert?”
Chris: Phenomenal. No, no, no, it wasn’t “Cold Desert,” but it was…the drummer comes out on stage, shotguns a beer, throws the can against the wall and just starts playing. I think he said it was “Use Somebody.” Starts the drumbeat and then everyone comes back out…
K: I love those guys—I think they’re great. I’m so glad they came around; our generation needs someone like that. We can’t rely on U2 forever.
[Both Laugh]
K: Because they’re gonna die.
Chris: Well, I mean…
K: Eventually.
Chris: Not in our hearts.
K: No, not in our hearts.
Chris: Just in real life.
K: We need someone kind of…
Chris: Youthful?
K: Mmhmm.
Chris: Southern?
K: Americans would be nice. I also like Muse, but…
Chris: Oh. Oh, my; excellent decision.
K: My other favorite is probably David Gray.
Chris: My goodness, you’ve stumped me. I don’t…
K: He’s more folk.
Chris: Is he like…Okay. Is it acoustic guitar…
K: Yeah. You’ve heard the song.
Chris: …singer/songwriter…
K: Yeah. “Babylon.”
Chris: Oh, okay. I know who you’re talking about.
K: I saw him in concert in Boston a couple months ago. Really good.
Chris: I know the song, I don’t really know him, his whole oeuvre.
K: No, that’s okay. I have a younger brother who’s into music and he’ll give me bands and I just…[motions, “It’s all over my head.”]
Chris: Yeah, I have a younger sister and it happens all the time. Is there anything you love unconditionally?
K: I’m so glad I read your blog beforehand so I could prepare for these.
[Both laugh]
Chris: The warm-up lap.
K: I have to say—besides the obvious—probably wintergreen mints. I don’t know why.
Chris: That’s an interesting pick.
K: Like, the wintergreen Lifesavers. I just find them delicious and even though they give me a stomach ache, I’ll still go back to them.
Chris: They give you a stomach ache?
K: After eating bag or so.
Chris: Whoa, slow down.
K: That or milk. I’ll always love milk, too.
Chris: So, maybe a tie? Or…one more than the other?
K: I drink like a gallon a week.
Chris: Me, probably like half a week. For a while, I was trying to get quarts…slow down
K: Nope, I need it.
Chris: It’s pretty important for breakfast, lunch, cooking…
K: I need it for everything. If I come back from a run then I’ll go water, but after a while, I’m like, “Oh, this’ll quench my thirst.”
Chris: I can’t re-hydrate with milk. It reminds me of college when I wasn’t drinking, I was playing lacrosse, I was on the team…and there was a drink-up.
K: Oh my God, I remember this.
Chris: I was the milk guy.
K: [Laughs] I remember hearing about this.
Chris: As a result, sports and milk…not friends.
K: Oh, I know that. But after you eat something really salty…
Chris: [Laughs] Do you ever add anything to your milk? Strawberry milk? Chocolate milk?
K: I’ll do chocolate milk, but that’s it.
Chris: [Flummoxed] No strawberry milk?
K: No strawberry. My mom grew up in Rhode Island so everything is coffee. When we were younger, we were eating coffee ice cream (when it wasn’t popular). She loves coffee, coffee milk, coffee milkshakes, so my mom would probably add coffee syrup to our milks but we wouldn’t notice.
Chris: [Awed] I…coffee syrup? [It sounds glorious. Want.]
K: I guess it’s a Rhode Island thing.
Chris: I wouldn’t say it sounds like a local thing, but it’s very…different [i.e., awesome].
[Both laugh]
Chris: I prefer my coffee to taste like my coffee ice cream.
K: Yes. Although sometimes you just really need something strong in the morning.
Chris: Yeah, particularly when you have to be at Victoria’s Secret to work.
K: Yep, or Anne Taylor and you’re supposed to be nice and sit there going, “Yes, let me take all your shit…”
[Both laugh]
K: “…while you sit there and scream at me.”
Chris: Yeah, the most frustrating thing about working in the service industry is how often I’m belittled or treated like a dumbass.
K: I just wanna throw a hanger at you but I can’t.
Chris: It’s frustrating that I have a bachelor’s degree…
K: …from a good college…
Chris: …and I’m getting yelled at by someone who [speaks to me as if they] might not have graduated from high school.
K: Yeah, it’s quite unfortunate, but I do think everyone should work in retail once in their lives because a) it humbles you and b) it teaches you how to sell quickly, how to think on your feet. You can only engage someone for two minutes. What they wanna hear; they hear.
Chris: It’s also made me realize that there’s only so much I can do to sell to them. It’s made me reconsider what’s important to different people. Many times when people come in, they’re coming in for what they want. Besides, I’m just a dude in a lingerie store. I can’t force this stuff down their throat.
K: We’re having that trouble right now. We downgraded a little and the new manager’s kinda pushing us, but we can’t force the customers to buy. It’s also interesting seeing this—as the new store opened—because it was an excellent example of what not to do in marketing.
Chris: [Laughs]
K: This new store was not promoted, wasn’t marketed (nobody in the neighborhood really knew what was going on); and now we’re not selling much. I’m like, let’s think about this: “A) We’re selling spring clothes in the middle of winter. B) Nobody really knew about this. C) Your clientele who used to come in all the time…isn’t coming in.”
Chris: Punxsutawney Phil said six more weeks of winter…shoulda known. [Laughs]
K: It baffles me, but I see it as a “this is what you don’t do.”
Chris: I think that’s one of the more important things I’m learning: there are so many things I can’t control.
K: Mmhmm.
Chris: I can see all these things happening, but the only thing I can do is tell my superior. I’m not in the PR department. I’m not managing.
K: [Laughs] I love it though when they start to consult me on the quality of the designs. I’m like, “Yes, corporate comes here all the time and asks me—what do they say to you?”
Chris: [Laughs, pauses for coffee] Oh, corporate.
K: I do have to say, though, one great thing about working in the store is it made New York more home to me. I would have just relied on the Holy Cross Bubble in New York. Wherever my friends moved, I would have moved.
Chris: Oh yeah.
K: It’s definitely grounded me a little more. I’ve met different people.
Chris: Yeah, the Holy Cross Bubble is so weird. For New Year’s I went to Boston and the Holy Cross people tended not to do much talking with the non-Holy Cross people…sort of insular.
K: I know some people infiltrate the group, but…I tried to explain it to a friend who went to a different college and just moved here: “Well, I kind of stay.”
Chris: “I have my friends.”
K: “And then other Holy Cross people will come in from out of town …do we accept them?
[Both laugh]
Chris: “They’re foreigners. They don’t know their way around.”
K: “I know we once knew each other…”
Chris: “Do we have to hold their hands?”
K: I have a disclaimer when friends visit—I love it when they do—but I am not going to Times Square. You go there on your own.
Chris: “That’s your thing. I’ve had my fun there…”
K: Oh God, I don’t even go there.
Chris: [Laughs] Well, that actually makes for a good…
K: Segue?
Chris: Transition. Yes, segue. Better word. What’s your favorite thing about New York?
K: [Gathers her thoughts] I think I have two favorite things about New York: that I can get on the subway and get off in a new place I don’t know anything about and learn about that neighborhood…
Chris: Oh, God yes.
K: …and when I see New York in movies, TV, pictures (of the Empire State Building, downtown, so on) and I get to think, “Oh. That’s my place.” Everything in New York is personalized; I love my social life.
Chris: So it’s totally accessibility and culture?
K: I moved to New York and I told my parents, “Five years and I’ll move back to Boston.” But I think it’ going to be more like ten.
Chris: I was terrified of coming here.
K: Really?
Chris: Everybody was always like, “Everything’s so big, there’s so many people, so many things are going to happen,” and then, after about two months, I realized, “I kinda think I wanna stay here the rest of my life.”
K: After a month I think I realized. For the first six months, all I was doing was getting on the subway, going to work and coming home. It wasn’t too bad, but I love it. Every interview I go on, I tell them, “I love it here. I like my social life.”
Chris: “I like being here. I like my friends here. I like being here.”
K: I tell them that. I also tell them, “I’m not leaving New York. I’m here for a while. I have a stable group of friends here.”
Chris: That’s the weird thing for me (if going home was to happen), it would just be friends from high school. Where’s the Holy Cross Bubble and how am I going to live without it?
K: That was hard for me because my parents live 15 minutes away from Holy Cross and I went to school in Worcester even though we live in a town outside. Even during the summers, I hung out with Holy Cross people because people stayed around. I don’t really keep in touch with high school friends; I have one really great friend that I became better friends with after high school, but if I go back, I won’t really have anyone from Holy Cross to hang out with. What would I do?
Chris: It seems like there’s a diaspora.
K: Thankfully, yeah.
Chris: Like everyone wants to…not live with their parents.
K: Where are your parents…where are you from?
Chris: I’m from Texas, they’re from here…I don’t know, they went where their industry took them, just as I [am making an attempt to].
K: Interesting.
Chris: I should end this, shouldn’t I?
K: That was the five questions?
Chris: That was it, yeah.
K: Wow.

Let’s just say Valentine’s Day isn’t my favorite holiday. Since I’m that guy who copes with music, I developed a habit in college of making a mixtape for my roommate’s girlfriend in order to make the day a little bit more bearable. I think there might have been a year–maybe two–where I faltered and didn’t deliver. But I put a lot of thought into these things and try to get a healthy mix of music, or at least music that I can’t seem to get out of my head. This year, for the first time, I burned more than just one copy (for a super-select threesome of women who totally deserve it) and realized this mixtape doesn’t need to be a secret. So now you can listen too, you just don’t have the convenience of putting no effort into arranging these songs onto a CD I already burned for you.

1. The Afghan Whigs, “Somethin’ Hot
2. Mayer Hawthorne, “Maybe So, Maybe No”
3. Otis Redding, “The Happy Song (Dum-Dum)”
4. The Police, “Does Everyone Stare”
5. Empire of the Sun, “Walking on a Dream
6. Animal Collective, “My Girls
7. Does it Offend You, Yeah?, “Epic Last Song
8. Passion Pit, “Little Secrets”
9. Muse, “Undisclosed Desires
10. The Afghan Whigs, “66”
11. B.B. King & Eric Clapton, “I Wanna Be”
12. Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth, “Lots of Lovin”
13. The-Dream, “She Needs My Love”
14. The-Dream, “Put it Down”
15. Bruce Springsteen, “Human Touch
16. Kings of Leon, “Use Somebody”
17. Mayer Hawthorne, “Make Her Mine”
18. The Supremes, “I Hear a Symphony
19. The Rolling Stones, “Loving Cup”

And here’s why these hood bangas made tha cut, my dude:

1. This is an excellent way to start a mixtape and start it off with a bang (PUN!). It’s like getting a peek inside the dirty, sex-obsessed male psyche where every word is surprisingly honest and explicit. And then the music video even comes complete with a reference to “66” via the very subway stop that I use on a daily basis. An Ohio band that filmed videos in Manhattan and wrote music that seems like it was made for this town? God, I love everything about this song.

2-4: Song about an angel (I hope, right? Otherwise a very bad decision for this mixtape), old-school song (“The Happy Song (Dum-Dum)”) to follow an old-school sounding song, then a more modern song (“Does Everyone Stare”).

5-8: Modern indie/electronica jump-offs. I find “My Girls” unabashedly romantic.

9-11: This is kind of the alternative/blues section. Transition out of the indie joints by keeping the secrecy theme–the idea is that you can’t have a good relationship without keeping some things secret. Not necessarily from each other as much as from everyone else, but both emphasize the importance of being able to confide in one another. And then the other two songs are top notch.

12-15: Like books, the structure of this mixtape is an upside-down check mark with the climax (PUN!) located towards the end. Yes, these songs are all about the horizontal handshake. Also, I considered flipping the two songs by The-Dream, but it seems to make more sense if you know about “She Needs My Love” before he self-references in the next song. Plus, “She Needs My Love” wouldn’t have made as good a transition into “Human Touch.”

16-19: The outro/desire section. Transition in with a song that I love but I wish wasn’t on the radio so much. (Keeping that song on was a hard decision because I want to pretend it’s back in the day when I was one of a few people who knew and loved Because of the Times instead of just being another dude who loves this band.) Then, keep with the same theme with an old-school sounding song (“Make Her Mine”). That song rides nicely into an old-school song (“I Hear a Symphony”), then a drinking song (“Loving Cup”). Not really, but the last song is usually the hardest–it was between this and The Afghan Whigs’ “John the Baptist.” It felt better to leave the ladies intoxicated with love rather than, “I got the devil in me, girl.”

I wonder if, when you get to heaven, Exile on Main St. is playing. In related news, GET OUT OF MY HEAD, “VENTILATOR BLUES!!!!1!!!”

Also, I’ve been reading up on this behemoth and I find it strange that it was pretty much universally panned on its release. It sounds like a hour and ten minutes of really good Rolling Stones songs. Obviously, I love that they covered Slim Harpo and Robert Johnson, but their original songs are really good, too. The only theory I can come up with is that everyone expected them to keep pioneering new rock ground instead of going all the way back to the start.

I think the best part about When in Rome might have been Ghostface Killah.

[Spoiler Alert] The big surprise ending about how Nick never threw a coin into the fountain was a little predictable. Perhaps more importantly, I was not willing to suspend my disbelief just because Beth had five coins, lightning striking all the time, and five dudes following her the whole movie. And the part where the four dudes all decide to help her because they love her? C’mon, Will Arnett. You should have known better.

But, then again, Ghostface Killah was the DJ

K____ and I went to the same school, a place where I might have seen her no more than once. She was Pre-Med and lived in dorms we both avoided and off-campus on a somewhat secluded street—two major reasons our paths didn’t cross—and took last year off to make sure she definitely wanted to attend Columbia to get her Masters in Public Health. She’s almost the definitive portrait of a Holy Cross girl: a Catholic Massachusetts native whose favorite Beatles songs are both on Rubber Soul (“Norwegian Wood” and “In My Life”) and the oldest daughter of a cop. After what I have to be bold and declare a masterful Thank-You note for the Halloween party she and her two roommates threw, we became Facebook friends. I realized I didn’t really know her that well, I reached out and we agreed to meet in a Le Pan Quotidien only to leave for a Starbucks across the street. Oddly enough, the barista there was good friends with a friend of mine from Holy Cross who had also never met K____. K____ talked a big game about being intimidated by my recorder but was just as amiable when I put it away.

Chris: Who’s your favorite Sesame Street character?
K: Ooohh… I always liked Snuffleupagus. He was my favorite. Although I felt a little bad for Oscar. Just because…
Chris: Because he was so unhappy?
K: And also, I feel like everyone didn’t like him. That made me like him. You know what I mean?
Chris: That’s kind of weird. He totally went out of his way to make everyone hate him.
K: But I think he had some deep-seated anger. Maybe he had a tough childhood. You don’t know. He lives in trash.
Chris: He lives a trashcan; it’s not an ideal environment. I don’t mean to trash talk Crown Heights too much, but…
K: [Laughs]
Chris: Okay, Favorite Movie?
K: I’d have to go with Forest Gump.
Chris: Really? Did not see that coming. Is it because life is like a box of chocolates? Or…
K: Yeah, or, kinda like a feather floating on the breeze as he also says.
Chris: It’s not because, uh…you love your momma so much?
K: Also that and…leg braces.
Chris: You had braces?
K: No.
Chris: Oh, God. I was gonna say, that sounds fairly traumatic. At least it was in the movie…Run!!
K: [Laughs]
Chris: Alright, Favorite Band?
K: That’s harder. I like a lot of bands.
Chris: Yeah, I foresee this question being very difficult for most people. “Oh, I like everything.”
K: It kind of depends on my mood, but I think overall, I have to go with U2.
Chris: Really? The older stuff, the newer stuff…the middle?
K: I like “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”
Chris: Off of Joshua Tree?
K: [Lights up] Yeah! Joshua Tree—that’s the album I have.
Chris: That’s sort of like their undisputed classic…
K: Yeah, I like stereotypical U2.
Chris: So then do you have the new stuff, like the last album?
K: No, I don’t.
Chris: Oh, hmmm…
K: I think I like specific songs more than I like actual bands.
Chris: Oh, you’re not really there for the whole album experience?
K: Well, I do like their whole album, that one…but…
Chris: In general, you mean.
K: Yes. Generally speaking about bands, I tend not to follow every album of a specific band.
Chris: So you don’t have all of the Lady Gaga albums? Just the singles.
K: No. Unfortunately, no. I used to have all the *NSYNC albums.
Chris: [Thoroughly shocked] Oh really.
K: Yes.
Chris: This isn’t embarrassing for you.
K: Yeah…I shouldn’t have mentioned that because it’s recorded.
Chris: [Laughs]
K: But…it’s true, I did have all the *NSYNC albums. Even the European editions.
Chris: Oh my god.
K: There was an article when I was in eight grade—my best friend and I were so obsessed with *NSYNC that the local newspaper interviewed us and our parents about our obsession. My room was covered with *NSYNC.
Chris: You had the posters…
K: Wall to wall.
Chris: Tickets…T-Shirts…
K: Oh yeah. I had a hat that said *NSYNC.
Chris: Really? That’s…interesting.
K: [Laughs]
Chris: So did you keep up with Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez?
K: Well, I decided when I was about 15, I went through my “I’m gonna grow up, I’m so mature now” stage, so I gave all my albums, all my stuff to my younger neighbor. Everything’s gone. And I kinda wish I still had it.
Chris: I figure you probably lost a piece of your heart.
K: It was a piece of my heart.
Chris: It’s tearing out your heart, isn’t it?
K: [Laughs] It is. I want it back.
Chris: Do you keep in touch with that girl?
K: No. She probably doesn’t even have it anymore.
Chris: She probably gave it to someone younger.
K: Probably.
Chris: I had a similar phase. I decided I didn’t like rap anymore. I sold off, like… my Jay-Z album.
K: Oh no!
Chris: And of course, I went back and bought it again because I was like, “Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking; I obviously love this music.”
K: It’s weird: you wanna deny everything you once were. You can’t just change that quickly.
Chris: Being grown up means you change your musical taste. That’s not how it works
K: [Laughs] Yeah. I’m gonna defy myself. I’m gonna stop liking everything I used to like.
Chris: [Laughs] Obviously, I can’t like it anymore. That would be…unrealistic. Umm…Is there anything—and this one I foresee as being very difficult for a lot of people.
K: [Steeling herself] Oh God.
Chris: Get super excited.
K: Okay.
Chris: Is there anything you love…unconditionally?
K: [Puzzled] Um… unconditionally…
Chris: Lemme give you an example. I think maybe the closest I can get is high fives…
K: Okay. So it doesn’t even have to be something.
Chris: Oh yeah, no, it doesn’t have to be like, “Oh, I’ll love my Mom forever,” (because that’s obvious) but you probably could do that…
K: Unconditionally…I will love…
Chris: [Quietly] Lady Gaga.
K: [Not listening] It’s very difficult. I think I would say…It’s hard to say, “unconditionally.” You couldn’t even really say it for a high five. What if someone high fives you too hard?
Chris: Exactly, a bad high five. You miss, you have to do it over again…
K: I think I would say, maybe, chocolate chip cookies. But, see, that’s not necessarily unconditional.
Chris: They can still get burned.
K: Right, they can be burned, they can be filled with salmonella if they’re undercooked.
Chris: Is that true?!? I didn’t know salmonella…
K: In eggs. Raw eggs.
Chris: I’m going to have to cook my cookies better from now on.
K: Although raw cookie dough is really good.
Chris: I went to this place called Levain Bakery last week, like on 74th, where it’s basically just a big raw cookie.
K: That was featured on Throwdown! with Bobby Flay.
Chris: Rightfully so.
K: Did you know that, or are you just going along with me?
Chris: I actually don’t have a TV. So I have no idea…I’ve heard of Bobby Flay.
K: That’s really crappy.
Chris: I like it. I get all of the comedy I need from Hulu.
K: That’s true. Do you watch Glee? That’s the only thing I watch on Hulu.
Chris: No, I tried to get my sister into that because every girl, apparently, ever, loves that.
K: Every girl plus V____.
Chris: Oh, right, well, he’s an honorary member.
[Both laugh…silence]
Chris: So do you love Glee unconditionally?
K: Oohh! Sometimes, yes, but sometimes I get annoyed with certain characters. But I don’t think there’s anything that’s…I think part of loving something is that, even when it goes wrong, you still love it.
Chris: Right, that’s the foundation of a good relationship, isn’t it?
K: Yeah! So, like with chocolate chip cookies, even if they’re burnt, I don’t hold it against them; I know next time they’ll be better.
Chris: [Laughs] It’s not your fault, cookie: walk it off. Your brothers and sisters will be fine.
K: [Laughs]
Chris: What’s your favorite thing about New York?
K: This is incredibly cliché, but I really love the parks in New York.
Chris: That’s not too cliché.
K: I am a dog walker. I walk a dog twice a day, four days of the week.
Chris: How’d you find out about this?
K: On Columbia’s employment website. He’s a Columbia grad. He had posted that he needed a dog walker and he pays $15 a walk. It’s Monday through Thursday.
Chris: You have to curb and everything? That’s the least exciting part, isn’t it?
K: Yeah, I have to clean up after the dog, which kinda stinks [Yes, I found this pun hilarious at the time, but I somehow managed to keep from laughing], but I get to hang out with a dog that’s not mine. It’s great. And so I go to the park like everyday. And I love it.
Chris: Everyday? Like seven days a week?
K: Well, Monday through Thursday I have to—because of the dog—and then, usually, I go running.
Chris: Are you running through the park?
K: Yes.
Chris: Wow, I just go on the treadmill in my apartment complex.
K: Yeah, I’m really broke.
Chris: I have that problem.
K: Actually, I’m beyond broke: I’m in debt because of school.
Chris: That happens.
K: I try to avoid paying for gym memberships.
Chris: I don’t…the gym in my apartment complex is…
K: It comes with it?
Chris: Yeah.
K: We have a gym in ours but you have to pay extra.
Chris: I thought I heard S____ mention that you might have to pay, but I didn’t realize you actually had to pay.
K: We actually have to pay.
Chris: Which is definitely lame.
K: Yeah, incredibly lame. I don’t understand—we’re paying a lot for rent.
Chris: I know, right? Why wouldn’t you get to just go downstairs?
K: And it’s not cheap. She bought a membership and it’s not that cheap. I thought it would be maybe 15 bucks a month or something, but it’s maybe 30—or maybe even more than that, actually. 30’s not even that bad.
Chris: Either way, not so good.
K: I wasn’t into it. I’d rather just freeze outside.
Chris: Layer up, pretend you’re walking a dog.
K: It makes me feel kind of tough.
Chris: Like a champion.
K: If I’m running through snow, I know that I’m hardcore.
Chris: [Laughs] You have hardcore cred?
K: Yeah.
Chris: Alright, well, if you had the opportunity to fuck with the Wu-Tang Clan, would you?
K: [Baffled]
Chris: I’m just kidding! That’s not a question.
K: [Laughs] I started thinking about it like, “Hmmmm…”
Chris: [Laughs] Like, “Hmmm…I might take on the RZA…” Here, I’ll put this down…

Snuffleupagus