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I reluctantly went to see Robin Hood a week ago. Glenn Beck was a huge fan and I already knew the story so I figured, there’s no reason to see this movie. Nothing else piqued my interest so I finally broke down and said, Fuck it, I’ll see Robin Hood despite Glenn Beck’s love for it. It’s a free ticket, so no big deal (yes, I am a card-carrying AMC Moviewatcher).

I’m sitting in the theater and there’s this couple making fun of every commercial that comes on. It’s like they haven’t been to a movie theater in 5 years because they’re disgusted that TV commercials are in movie theaters. I gave up hating TV movie commercials like 4 years ago–it’s just what’s happening now. My hatred of commercials won’t make them disappear.

And the couple has disdain for every clip that shows up, like these commercials are beneath them. After the commercials, they start making fun of the movie previews like, “What’re they going to sell us now?” And I will admit, the husband’s comedic timing was phenomenal. He placed that quote right between commercials and movie ads, right in the deadspace between the two. I somehow stifled a giggle.

The amazing thing though is that we get to the end of the movie–spoiler alert (but probably not because everyone knows the story)–and right after King John outlaws Robin Hood, the husband goes, “Why did he do that?” I could not stifle a giggle that time. Walking out, I looked back at him, see he’s a geriatric man dressed in an all white suit and I think, “Even if you’ve read The Prince, it’s fairly obvious. Robin Hood is a threat to King John’s hold on the throne. Go make fun of some commercials, dumbass. Too smart for commercials, but not too smart for a movie. The kids are losing their grip.”

But the real issue at hand here is that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. A surprisingly good movie. Two weeks before that I had had the choice between Robin Hood and Letters to Juliet. For some reason my thought process was, “I love action but I also love chick flicks and I’m in more of a chick flick mood today. I love Amanda Seyfried. These previews look okay.”

And of course, the previews tell you the entire story. I guess I should insert a spoiler alert here again too, but if you’ve seen the preview, it’s fairly obvious she’s going to break up with the brunette for the blonde. It’s just how it has to happen. There’s no other way for that movie to work. After seeing it, I called my parents and warned them to steer the fuck clear of it and they were puzzled why I’d Juliet in the first place.  They’d thoroughly enjoyed Robin Hood.

Perhaps the only good thing that came out of that movie was how it contributed towards my Free Ticket to See Robin Hood AMC Moviewatcher fund. Completely worth it because now all I want to do is manly stuff like wear chain mail, hunt for dinner with superior archery skills and get into fights with the French. But it’s 4th of July weekend and I’m part French so…thanks for helping us become independent, beef squashed. But I still want chain mail.


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